Issue 12: Friendship in the grocery aisle
More dino discos, universal pre-K, and sustainable shopping in 2025
The friendships I’ve found through motherhood have been some of the most meaningful I’ve ever had. Maybe it’s the shared struggle that thrusts us together so quickly and intensely? I wish I could hold onto these moments of kinship with the memory of my 20-something self and not my broken 38-year-old mom brain. In an exercise for posterity, here is a glimpse into the simple, yet significant moments with my nearest and dearest “mom friends.”
Checking out at the grocery store, I’m listening to a voice memo of my mom bestie’s validation of my outraged response to the older lady complaining about the price of tomatoes. I look up as I’m listening to her voice in my ear and there she is in the flesh! We start laughing because of course, we’re in the same store at the same time, even after spending the morning together with our girls (who also happen to be besties). As she turns the corner, we laugh harder because we are, essentially, dressed in the same outfit. We marvel at the amount of Annie’s branded products I’m buying and bid goodbye, knowing we will text each other again in ten minutes with stories of our insane toddlers.
There are some mom group text threads deserving of a broader audience, and this particular one involved coordinating a Trunk or Treat station in the daycare parking lot. We settled on “Dino Disco” as our theme as the coolest one of the group had plenty of stegosauruses and a disco ball lying around her house, but it was the tangents from our coordinating that gave me life during a toddler meltdown – Has anyone had a physical recently? Check out this video of a woman holding things underneath her post-breastfeeding boobs! This is my kid covered in ice cream. We all need to go out without our kids soon. And plenty of photos in between of the most dino-disco-y snacks we could find. Our Trunk or Treat station was a success and we had a dance party amongst ourselves while the kids ran around, chasing candy.
Thank you to the mom friend who withstood my texts while I was pregnant about Bringing Up Bébé. I read this book and I was convinced – yes! I will raise my kid like they do in France! No afternoon snacks. Le pause. No interrupting adult conversations. This baby will revolve around MY life, not the other way around. I promptly and excitedly explained all of these things to my friend who had just had her second child. The fact that she didn’t laugh in my face and is still one of my dearest friends is a testament to her incredible capacity for patience and understanding. She also weathered millions of my anxious new mom texts surrounding sleep, and more specifically, the lack of it. She was and will forever be my mom guru.
I had her in mind when I spoke with a decades-long friend who was trying to conceive and was hoping for twins. I resisted the urge to share doomsday stories about the challenges in those first few months with a newborn. After she gave birth to her daughter and really settled into that fourth trimester, I couldn’t help but text her, “Aren’t you glad you didn’t have twins?”
These moments have kept me sane and laughing even amidst the tears. It always surprises me how little time has passed relative to how deeply I feel connected to these women.
-Ashley
We’re curious - tell us about how you met your friends in parenting (mothers-in-arms?) How do you stay in touch? Who sends you the most voice memos?
What We’re Reading
[Ashley] - I came across this (admittedly dense) study in support of Universal Pre-K via Emily Oster’s ParentData. So here I am again on my universal childcare soapbox. The researchers found UPK is good for parents, kids and the economy, with “each dollar of government expenditure on UPK [yielding] $10.04 in benefits.” I’d argue the same rationale could be applied to care for younger children as well. If this is a cause you also feel strongly about, Empire State Campaign for Child Care’s Advocacy Day is Tuesday, January 28. Sign up here!
[Genevieve] - My reading recommendation is one part quiz, one part article series: first, an interactive NYT piece called “Are the Foods in Your Cart Ultraprocessed?” And let me tell you, I was shocked by how off a few of my guesses were. Luckily, the Gray Lady is giving us a companion series, The 5-Day Healthier Eating Challenge, with a fascinating perspective on the everyday foods we buy at the grocery store.
[Maddie] - Read back-to-back-to-back, Sandwich by Catherine Newman, Real Americans by Rachel Khong, and Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo are a triptych of mothers trying, failing, and trying again. They’re well-intentioned in their searches for both chaos and control, and yet sometimes they get it very wrong. Consider these three to be the slightly steadier cousins of the narrator in Miranda July’s All Fours.
Our Picks
[Ashley] - Before I was a movement instructor, I was a dancer. I trained in classical ballet and made the transition into modern dance during my NYC days. Dance is still how I come back to myself. And lucky me, Sayer Mansfield is teaching upstate this winter. She is an incredible human, dancer, and instructor. Wow does it feel good to move your body unencumbered and full of expression. Catch her schedule for dance and yoga classes near Hudson (no experience necessary!) and shake it out in 2025.
[Genevieve] - I’m a dabbler in the world of secondhand buying, with a few prized pieces under my belt. Several months ago, I tried out Beni, a Chrome extension that aggregates deals from 40+ secondhand sites, and alerts you of cheaper secondhand options when you are browsing a retailer’s site. Even if the resale alternative isn’t significantly less than new, it’s a friendly nudge toward a more sustainable option. I’ve since graduated to the iOS app where I can search for a specific piece before I even venture into retail territory.
[Maddie] - It’s the Season of Perpetual Viruses, and I’ve been leaning heavily on the doctors of Blueberry Pediatrics to let me know when a cough or fever might be something more. Blueberry provides virtual urgent care so I can snap a picture or schedule a telehealth visit and talk to a MD within a few minutes. They provide a handy little kit with a thermometer, pulse oximeter, and smart otoscope (for recording video of tiny eardrums). The never-ending ear infection of 2022 would certainly have gone differently had Blueberry been in the picture. (And if you too find yourself giving amoxicillin to a reluctant baby, this will help make that experience less miserable.)
Movie Night
Hudson Valley friends: let’s see a movie together! Meet us at Story Screen Cinema in Hudson on Wednesday, January 22 for a private screening of the comedy BABES, starring Ilana Glazer and Michelle Buteau. Doors open at 6pm for drinks and chatting, with your first beverage on us. Snacks and future rounds will be available for purchase. For babysitter purposes, you’ll be out the door by 9pm. Buy your tickets here!
Working Together
We’re sending our love and support to those impacted by the Los Angeles wildfires. California Community Fund, Direct Relief, World Central Kitchen, California Fire Foundation, and The Salvation Army are a few of the organizations doing important work to help local communities recover.
In the Neighborhood
We live in the Mid-Hudson Valley and we’re keeping tabs on these (mostly family-friendly) events near us. If there’s another event you’d like us to share, please send it our way!
Starting January 9 - Prenatal, postnatal, and toddler yoga at Sadhana, Hudson (10% off with code FRIENDS10)*
Saturdays until April - Hudson Indoor Winter Market, Hudson
Sundays until March - Long runs with Return Run Club, Hudson
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Saturday, January 11 - Winter Craft and Story Hour at Clermont State Historic Site, Clermont
Saturday, January 11 - Woodstock Farm Festival Winter Market, Woodstock
Sunday, January 12 - Free movie screening at Story Screen Cinema: Paddington 2, Hudson
Sunday, January 12 - Skate Time: Sunday Tot Time, Accord
Wednesday, January 15 - Developmental Parenting with Claire Cousin at The Spark of Hudson
Friday, January 17 - Winter Mugs Workshop at Rose Hill, Red Hook ^
Saturday, January 18 - The People’s March, Hudson
Saturday, January 18 - A Closer Look Family Tour at Olana, Hudson
Saturday, January 18 - Winter Brunch Cooking Class with Leah Guadagnoli, Hillsdale
Saturday, January 18 - Wassail at Little Apple Cidery, Hillsdale
Sunday, January 19 - Swan Lake with the State Ballet Theater of Ukraine, Kingston
Tuesday, January 21 - Hudson Area Library volunteer night, Hudson
Wednesday, January 22 - ✨The Soft Spot Presents✨ BABES Movie Night, Hudson ^
Saturday, January 25 - Woodstock Farm Festival Winter Market, Woodstock
Saturday, January 25 - Pinewood Derby at FASNY, Hudson
Sunday, January 26 - Wassail Celebration at Rose Hill, Red Hook
Tuesday, January 28 - Annual Childcare Advocacy Day, Albany
Friday, January 31 - Remember You postpartum gathering, Kingston
Friday, January 31 - Sunday, February 2 - Winter Hoot at The Ashokan Center, Olivebridge
Saturday, February 1 - Clown Workshop, Spencertown
Friday, February 7 - A Wild Night with Lola Kirke at RAD Studio Space, Hudson ^
Monday, February 17 - Friday, February 21 - Winter Art Camp (ages 5+) at Art Omi, Ghent
^ = for adults
* = will likely sell out, so book soon
As we find our rhythm, please reply with what you want to see in our emails. We have toddlers, we’re used to tough feedback.
It would be hard to do this and the People's March, but in case folks are interested:
Haudenosaunee Stories of Winter with Perry Ground
January 18, 2025
11-11:30 am and 1-2 pm
First Peoples Hall, NYSM
Free
https://nysm.nysed.gov/programs/haudenosaunee-stories-perry-ground-Jan-18