Issue 56: Parenting advice we don't hate
Wisdom from a cartoon tiger, a dream of a travel stroller, and all the holiday events
From the moment the algorithm knows you’re expecting, the onslaught of advice is overwhelming. We were texting with a new parent friend the other day and thinking back to the advice that has stuck with us for the three years or so we’ve been parenting in this mess. Take our list, leave it, print it out, or burn it in your yard – this is what we continue to come back to:
Pretty much always relevant
This too shall pass. (Is that the Bible?)
Apologize when you get it wrong. (Julia Shield)
Water and fresh air cure more problems than you’d think. (Probably from an old Cup of Jo post)
Slow is smooth and smooth is fast. (A nursing school instructor)
You can be right or you can be kind. It’s better to be kind. (A loose paraphrase of the Jimmy Stewart classic Harvey)
Give yourself a break. (Every Type A mom who needs to internalize this themselves)
For the very early days
Go to a mid-day movie when you’re very pregnant and just waiting. (A former manager who we should have listened to the the first time)
Everybody you see and you’ve ever known got born. (Maddie’s mom)
Push like you’re pooping. (An aunt-in-law at Thanksgiving)
Install a bidet for postpartum and every period thereafter. (Courtesy of experience)
Peeing your pants when you sneeze/cough/jump is, in fact, not normal. (Every single pelvic floor PT)
So you have a baby
You and your partner are a team against the baby. (Our own competitive natures)
Sometimes your baby is just doing baby things. (The pediatric NP)
Breastfeeding should not hurt. (The lactation consultant)
Every culture does it differently. No one has cracked the secret code. Do what works best for your family. (The pediatrician)
And now that baby is a toddler
When you feel so mad that you want to roar, take a deep breath and count to 4. (Daniel Tiger)
Let them do it themselves. (A beloved daycare teacher who taught our kids the jacket flip trick)
Find time alone with each of your kids. (Our parents)
Whether you obsess over it or not, they will one day pee on the potty. (Yet another beloved daycare teacher)
As we’re now in the preschooler zone, we’re curious about what parenting advice has stuck with you. What do you wish you’d known? Share your hard-won wisdom and help us build a collection of real advice from real parents.
One For Us
Sharing what we’re enjoying for ourselves these days
[Ashley] - This one is for me but also for her. A friend recently recommended the APM Reports podcast Sold a Story. It investigates the difference in two reading education styles - decoding (sounding out words phonetically) and whole word (guessing words with context, pictures, etc.). They make the case that whole word reading, taught in most American schools, results in tons of kids not knowing how to read. I’m only an episode in, but I’m very invested already.
[Genevieve] - I love this seasonally themed offering from Hudson Valley therapist Anna Poiarkoff: “Holiday Dump Sessions.” Instead of a full commitment to weekly therapy, it’s a one-off 30-, 50- or 90-minute opportunity to “unload all your holiday baggage before it weighs you down completely.” The holiday pop-up approach isn’t just for artisanal markets (though we have plenty of those listed below!).
[Maddie] - After this Halloween, my preschooler has been very intrigued by nearly all types of candy, but he’ll still give black licorice a wide berth. So that makes my spicy-ish habanero licorice from Lakrids by Bülow doubly safe. It’s even better now that I can find it at Apótek’s new Scandinavian pop-up in Hudson, directly across from my other favorite Warren Street shop.
One For Them
Sharing what’s making parenting small children more enjoyable these days
[Ashley] - My daughter is finally at an age where the joy of the season is really taking hold. This weekend, my parents and I are taking her aboard the Polar Express in Kingston. She has watched the movie dozens of times and she’s already asking if she’ll receive a silver bell on the ride. Dinner at Lola afterward will be the cherry on top.
[Genevieve] - This past weekend, I flew solo with my 3-year-old for the first time and survived. A huge part of my success was thanks to my daughter’s unexpected, incredible adaptability to a flight delay and other travel woes. Another part, though, was thanks to my sister Caitlyn’s A+ recommendation of the Mamazing Ultra Air X lightweight stroller. It weighs only 9 lbs, folds up in a flash, and, unlike every umbrella stroller I’ve ever used, it maneuvers like a dream when being pushed with one hand. 10/10.
[Maddie] - Our household is squarely on the Yoto side of the friendly Yoto vs. Tonie Box debate, and no small part of that is thanks to Yoto Radio. It’s a 24/7 kid-friendly radio station that spans Norwegian jazz, tinkly piano, and soul classics. You can listen for free here or access it on your kid’s player with these instructions.
Working Together
Our friends over at Bloom Project NY work tirelessly to promote the well-being of mothers and birthing people and their families through relationship-based support, education, and community. In short: they believe that no one should have to navigate the transitions of the childbearing years alone.
This giving season, we encourage our readers to consider a donation to Bloom Project NY so they can continue doing their good work. Read more about founder Christina Holdrege’s experience here.
In the Neighborhood
We live in the Mid-Hudson Valley and we’re keeping tabs on these (mostly family-friendly) events near us. If there’s another event you’d like us to share, please send it our way!
December Events
Thursday, December 4 - Documentary film screening with the Hudson Youth Department, Hudson
Friday, December 5 - Conversation with Tamar Adler at Oblong Books, Rhinebeck
Friday, December 5 - Snowflake Festival, Kingston
Friday, December 5 - A Charlie Brown Christmas concert, Woodstock
Friday, December 5 - Lullay, lullow concert from Hudson Baroque, Hudson
Friday, December 5 - Candlelight Night, Kinderhook
Friday, December 5 - Sunday, December 7 - Cannonball Factory Holiday Market, Hudson
Saturday, December 6 - Winter Walk, Hudson
Saturday, December 6 - Santa & Cookies to benefit Family Resource Centers, Hudson
Saturday, December 6 - Winter Market at Three Waters Farm, Ghent
Saturday, December 6 - Holiday Toy Swap, Kingston
Saturday, December 6 - Yuletide Fair at Hawthorne Valley Waldorf School, Ghent
Saturday, December 6 - Holiday Cottage Workshop, Athens
Saturday, December 6 - Sunday, December 7 - Troutbeck Holiday Bazaar, Amenia
Saturday, December 6 - Sunday, December 7 - Artists & Makers Holiday Market at ArtPort, Kingston
Sunday, December 7 - Left Bank Cider’s 4th Annual Holiday Market, Catskill
Sunday, December 7 - Churchtown Dairy Holiday Market, Hudson
Sunday, December 7 - Winterfest, Tivoli
Sunday, December 7 - Winter Social at Thomas Cole Historical Site, Catskill
Tuesday, December 9 - Snowy Storytime at Hudson Area Library, Hudson
Wednesday, December 10 - 🎁Holiday Toy Swap🎁 with The Soft Spot at The Spark of Hudson, Hudson
Wednesday, December 10 - UHPP Abortion Aftercare Kit Assembly, Hudson ^
Thursday, December 11 - Queer Soup Night at Quinnie’s, Hudson
Thursday, December 11 - Film screening to benefit Upper Hudson Planned Parenthood, Hudson
Saturday, December 13 - Community Birthing Class at The Spark of Hudson, Hudson
Saturday, December 13 - Winter Glow, Germantown
Saturday, December 13 - Holiday Toy Exchange at Suarez Brewing, Hudson
Saturday, December 13 - Holiday Sing-Along with Music Together, Kingston
Saturday, December 13 - Sunday, December 14 - Craft Feast at Stissing House, Pine Plains
Sunday, December 14 - A Very Hudson Holiday at (Creative Legion), Hudson ^
Sunday, December 14 - Big Towel Holiday Market, Germantown
Wednesday, December 17 - Winter Music Together pop-up class at At Play, Rhinebeck
Saturday, December 20 - The Longest Night dance party at Sweet Flower Farm, Copake ^
Monday, December 22 - Friday, January 2 - Play Pop Winter Break Camp, Hudson
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Ongoing Events
Mondays - Wiggles and Words (for 0-6 months) at the Red Hook Library, Red Hook
Mondays - Songs & Stories at Ulster Public Library, Ulster
Mondays - Family Resource Center Playgroup, Valatie
Mondays - Tunes and Tales at the Red Hook Library, Red Hook
4th Mondays - La Leche League meetings, Chatham
Tuesdays - Storytime with Robbie at Starr Library, Rhinebeck
Tuesdays - Family Resource Center Playgroup, Hudson
Wednesdays - Runs with Return Run Club, Hudson
Wednesdays - Family Resource Center Playgroup, Valatie
Wednesdays - Dancing Connections and Baby Dance Club at Full Circle, Gardiner
2nd Wednesdays - La Leche League meetings, Hudson
Thursdays - Music & Movement Storytime at the Hudson Area Library, Hudson
Thursdays - Family Resource Center Playgroup, Hudson
Fridays - Tunes and Tales at the Red Hook Library, Red Hook
Saturdays - Hudson Farmers’ Market (indoor), Hudson
Sundays - Rhinebeck Farmers’ Market, Rhinebeck
Sundays - Tot Time at Skate Time, Accord
Sundays - Community Group Run at Neighbor Running, Hudson
^ = for adults
* = will likely sell out, so book soon
This is it. This is my favorite substack I’ve read this week. There’s so much good in here!