Issue 26: Parenting is improv
Toddlers are a tough audience
Circle Up
After our women’s circle last month, we heard you loud and clear – more of that, please. We’re thrilled to share a new Women's Circle Series with Becca Piastrelli, starting on May 18th.
To keep this series cozy and intimate, signups are capped and we have a few more spots left. If you’re unable to make it to a particular date or two but are drawn to join, we think the series is still worth the commitment.
Comedy Rules for Parenting
One insufferable fact about me: in my pre-child life I was a comedian. Standup, improv, pandemic lockdown Zoom shows, you name it. I suppose I still am – I’m now a voice actor, writer and producer – but it’s been a while since I’ve set foot onstage. Although I write jokes far less now than before I had my daughter, I’ve found that a few central tenets from the practice of comedy have applied nicely to my parenthood journey.1
“Yes, And…”
We’re starting with an easy one. It’s the cornerstone of nearly all improv comedy, and in parenting, it's about accepting your child's reality and building upon it, or “heightening.”
There have been so many times when my child has told me something A is called something B. My urge to correct her is so strong – she can’t go to college thinking a tractor is a dump truck – but what if I just didn’t? What if I said, “Yeah dude, that is a dump truck! And I bet it has a lot of stuff in it. Maybe it has an elephant in it! Or a castle! What else does the dump truck have in it?” Did the world end? Does anyone care that the vehicle no longer in our sight was not a dump truck? Is my child now an absolute moron because I didn’t correct her? I hope not. But we are having genuine fun. I just validated her (“Yes”) and heightened the game (“and… elephant!”). Passing it to her (“what else is in the truck?”) after teaching her the game (crazy stuff in the truck!) takes the burden off of me to perform for her, and we are now in a back-and-forth on what else could possibly be inside this dump truck.
Another example could be as easy as a tea party. She offers me a cup of tea. I could say, “Oh, thank you!” or I could add, “Mmm, is that cinnamon I taste?” and see what she says back. For an older child, you can try the second layer of “If this is true, what else is true?” We agree that there are fairies in the garden and they can talk. Since that is true, perhaps it is also true that they have strong opinions on rock music.
"When things aren't working, change the scene"
When a scene is failing in live improv comedy, one of your teammates will mercifully end the scene and start a new one. In parenting, this is similar to the “put them in water or take them outside” advice. Just this morning, my daughter woke up in a tantrum, brought that tantrum to the kitchen with her, and filled the entire house with it. By the time my coffee had brewed, she was in an inexplicable meltdown that I was only making worse with questions.
So I changed the scene. I took her outside for a walk in the backyard. I said, “I desperately need to climb the stairs in the backyard. I’ve just gotta climb those stairs!” Her eyes lit up and she came along. Within seconds of being in the outside air, doing outside things, she was a different kid. She had moved on from her tantrum entirely. I know going outside isn’t always possible, so an inside alternative could be filling the sink with soapy water and washing whatever is within reach. However you can, change the scene and reset the senses.
"Punch up, not down"
This particular principle of joke writing is debated now and again, but I’m a supporter of it. It’s much funnier to laugh at those in power than those being controlled. Roast the warden, not the prisoners. I try to remind myself of this when I have the urge to laugh at my daughter’s cute mispronunciation of a word or the absurdity of her meltdowns. Though it may often feel like she runs my house, the reality is she’s completely reliant upon me as her parent, and most of her tantrums likely stem from her frustration around that lack of control (aka power). And it’s so easy to forget that she hears and sees everything we do. So while lots of situations throughout our day are absurd, wild, and genuinely funny – I try to vet which ones are funny only to me, and which are funny to us both. Am I laughing at her for something she is earnest about, or with her when she’s trying to be silly? Laughing with her builds her up, laughing at her cuts her down. Bonus: laughing at myself - the person in power - when I’ve made a mistake shows her that I am not perfect and that it’s safe to fail.
A vital part of comedy is knowing how to end on a high note, and get the eff out before the laughs die down. That’s my time, bye!
-Genevieve
What We’re Reading
[Ashley] - I’ve shared here before how foundational the Daniel Tiger potty episode was to our training adventures, and how could it not be? Growing up, I would go to the Pittsburgh Ballet Theatre with my mother, and season-ticket holder Fred Rogers would be in the row right in front of us. Seeing him at each performance was its own kind of magic. This study surveying teenagers who watched Daniel Tiger as toddlers is particularly sweet, validating my lifelong devotion to Mr. Rogers and his legacy. [Maddie note: Ashley, you need to watch Episode 4 of The Pitt for even more PA & Mr. Rogers love!]
[Genevieve] - I sent this to friend-of-the-newsletter Kit Fraser as we were commiserating over our toddlers’ respective meltdowns: Jessica Urlichs’ “A short poem about why I am scared of my two year old”. This part, though: “I’m saying too much, and not saying enough. // I am panic dressed in calm while she screams fire.” Preach.
[Maddie] - Deep Cuts by Holly Brinkley will give you renewed appreciation for Hall & Oates, the formative parties of your early twenties, and the piano lessons your parents made you take in elementary school. I cued up the accompanying Spotify playlist the moment I read the last page, and I’m so ready for Saoirse Ronan to produce and star in the film adaptation.
Our Picks
[Ashley] - Since I’m feeling Pittsburgh nostalgic and Easter is this weekend – I’m sharing the beauty that is Sarris Candies. Based just outside of Pittsburgh, they make the best milk chocolate out there. I will forever remember the high school band fundraiser that sold Sarris’ chocolate-covered pretzel sticks. Mimi brought a bag of their chocolate eggs this past weekend and I am devouring them as I write.
[Genevieve] - I strongly recommend watching Season 2 of Survival of the Thickest on Netflix right now. I’ve said it before here and I’ll say it again, everything Michelle Buteau touches turns to gold. This cast is exceptional, the storyline is charming and inclusive, and the dialogue is delightfully funny. Do not sleep on Michelle.
[Maddie] - I’ve been scheduling texts with the newish iMessage “Send Later” feature, especially well-suited for when your conversations span time zones and attention spans. File this one under: “Did everyone else know about this but me?”
Working Together
Thank you to the 50+ of you who joined us at our clothing and toy swap at The Spark of Hudson last week! We’re still a little giddy when we think about how much fun we had. We hope to plan another later this year – save those tiny woolens for the fall/winter edition!
In addition to its Mister Rogers references, The Pitt also reminded us of the importance of donating blood. Turns out that you can donate while breastfeeding as long as you’re more than six weeks postpartum (per U.S. guidelines). The Red Cross makes it super easy to locate a nearby blood drive, and the snacks are excellent. A recent donation took no more than 45 minutes start-to-finish, and at least 15 of those were spent eating Cheez-Its and Oreos.
In the Neighborhood
We live in the Mid-Hudson Valley and we’re keeping tabs on these (mostly family-friendly) events near us. If there’s another event you’d like us to share, please send it our way!
Mondays - Wiggles and Words (for 0-6 months) at the Red Hook Library, Red Hook
Mondays - Songs & Stories at Ulster Public Library, Ulster
Mondays and Fridays - Tunes and Tales at the Red Hook Library, Red Hook
Tuesdays - Storytime with Robbie at Starr Library, Rhinebeck
Wednesdays - Runs with Return Run Club, Hudson
Thursdays - Music & Movement Storytime at the Hudson Area Library, Hudson
Thursdays - Haema pop-up at Return Brewing, Hudson
Fridays - Preschool Story Time at Ulster Public Library, Ulster
Saturdays - Hudson Farmers' Market (outdoor), Hudson
Saturdays until June - Children’s Workshops (5+) at Art Omi, Ghent
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Thursday, April 17 - Community Soup Night benefitting UHPP at Left Bank Cider, Catskill
Saturday, April 19 - Chaos Vessels at Super Stories, Kinderhook
Saturday, April 19 - Hop ‘Til We Drop Egg Hunt Party, Great Barrington
Saturday, April 19 - Easter Celebration at Arrowood Farms, Accord
Saturday, April 19 - Egg Hunt at Grieg Farm, Red Hook
Saturday, April 19 - Dr Seuss’ Lorax Meet & Greet at Mid-Hudson Discovery Museum, Poughkeepsie
Saturday, April 19 - Easter Egg Hunt at Del’s Roadside, Rhinebeck
Saturday, April 19 - Little Seedlings: Beeswax Wonder at White Feather Farm, Saugerties
Saturday, April 19 - Birding Walk at Staatsburgh Historical Site, Staatsburgh
Saturday, April 19 - Earth Day Celebration at Safe Haven Farm Sanctuary, Poughquag
Continuing April 19 - Naturalist-in-Residence Nature Walks with Jana Mader, Red Hook
Sunday, April 20 - Egg Hunt at Stissing House, Pine Plains
Sunday, April 20 - Easter Lunch at Julia’s Local, Round Top *
Thursday, April 24 - Saturday, April 26 - Ever After Consignment Sale, Chatham
Friday, April 25 - Sunday, April 27 - Honky Tonk Market at Return Brewing, Hudson
Saturday, April 26 - Blossom & Bloom - UHPP benefit dinner at Foreland, Catskill * ^
Saturday, April 26 - Independent Bookstore Day celebration at Oblong Books, Rhinebeck and Millerton
Saturday, April 26 - Ash Bark Basket Making Workshop, Hudson ^
Saturday, April 26 - Dutchess County Libraries Science Fair, Hopewell Junction
Saturday, April 26 - Repair Café, Red Hook
Sunday, April 27 - Psychedelics in Perspective at Spark of Hudson, Hudson
Sunday, April 27 - Earth Day Celebration, Rhinebeck
Sunday, April 27 - NewFriends Vintage Market & Lawn Party, Dobbs Ferry
Sunday, April 27 - Spring Mushroom Storytelling with Catskill Fungi, Catskill
Thursday, May 1 - May Day of Action, various
Saturday, May 3 - Riverkeeper Sweep cleanup, Rhinecliff
Saturday, May 3 - A Run to Remember 5k, Red Hook
Sunday, May 4 - Book It 5k with Claverack and Philmont Library, Churchtown
Monday, May 5 - Spring Foraging at Beekman Library, Hopewell Junction
Wednesday, May 7 - Tivoli Mushrooms Dinner at Rivertown Lodge, Hudson *
Starting May 7 - Baby/Toddler & Me Yoga Series with A Tree Told Me, Chatham *
Saturday, May 10 - Spring into Newburgh, Newburgh
Saturday, May 10 - Mad Hatters’ Parade, Hudson
Saturday, May 10 - Sunday, May 11 - Basilica Farm & Flea Market, Hudson
Saturday, May 10 - Sunday, May 11 - The Workshop Experience, Hillsdale
Sunday, May 11 - Family Printmaking at Storm King, New Cornwall
Saturday, May 17 - Yard Sale and Spring Stroll, Germantown
Starting May 18 - ✨Women’s Circle series with Becca Piastrelli✨, Ghent
Thursday, May 22 - Community Clean-Up with Greater Hudson Promise Neighborhood, Hudson
Friday, May 30 - Happiness in the Spotlight screening at Hudson Hall, Hudson
Friday, May 30 - Sunday, June 1 - Field + Supply Spring MRKT, Kingston
^ = for adults
* = will likely sell out, so book soon
This is not advice. To think I am qualified to dole out advice would be a dangerous level of hubris that even I manage to avoid.
I see the parallels, Genna! 🙌🏻 I love the way you’re fostering a sense of wonder and creativity with M.
The “send later” is totally something I should use as someone regularly up at 3 am with a baby.